my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
