I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
