the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
