I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm like, not good at living.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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