Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
