The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
