Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
