Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
two words: eviction party
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
