The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
