I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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