Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
