Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
