my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
