sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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