break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
