That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
