We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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