he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
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I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
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She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
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