I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
