I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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