I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
