You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
