I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
