ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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