unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She told me I should be a condom model.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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