How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
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You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
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July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
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You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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