College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
