Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
