the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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