I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
