normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
