Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
