I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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