i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
