I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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