i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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