U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
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