we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
If I die, sorry about rent.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
