wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
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I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
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I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I have tasted many bathrooms
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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