My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
