y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
