We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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