I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
