A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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