She said her name was "party"
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Randomize
