Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
