I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
