4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
