you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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