I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
