I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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