All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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