Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
