I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
