someone owes me an orgasm
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
