At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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