bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
there is glitter all over my balls
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