bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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