There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
