You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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