I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
