Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
