If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
