Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
