i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
