apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
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