it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
