i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
she looked like the before picture.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
i think my cat just said my name.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
