I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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