I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Dear god my vagina.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
