Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
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i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
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How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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