dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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