Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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