What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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