the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
