Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
