Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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