if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
