I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
