i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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