so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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